As people meet and fall in love, they go on dates, get to know each other better, cannot live a day without being together. It seems, yes! here is the one I’ve been looking for all my life and he or she understands me like no one else. However, once they get married or start living together, all of a sudden some problems start arising. And, ironically enough, communication becomes one of top problems in long term relationships.
Why is that two people who are in love and were certain they found a soulmate, cannot talk to the same beloved person without anger, frustration or disappointment. Why they start criticising each other, making fun of each other’s insecurities and complain to their friends that married life is far from what they expected.
In many cases, all comes down to unwillingness to accept an alternative point of view. People are selfish by nature and admitting their mistakes is a painful hit for their self-esteem. Even more so, some people accept their opinion as the only right one and existence of any other one in this regard might take them by surprise.
Only when couple decides to share a lifetime together, they come to realise this is where the real challenge begins. To find the right person is only half of the path, but “happily ever after” involves way more than that. For marriage to thrive husband and wife have to build a rich understanding between each other as a base for their further growth as a couple. Therefore, they need to learn to avoid common patterns in their communication and be attentive to each other’s needs.
Complain but don’t criticize. It is expected to have some level of discontent when two persons have different approach to handling life situations, but it is important to recognize it, discuss it together and find a solution. Rather than falling into a wave of criticism of one another and making the situation only worse.
Understanding first, solution second. It is tempting to jump in with conclusions when your partner tries to explain the problem to you, but instead demonstrate your understanding of her arguments, and only then try to offer an advice.
Don’t turn into defence. Every time you have an argument, make a notice of your language – do you try to defence yourself from your partner’s complaints? Has this approach been effective so far? Well, it is not. The more defensive tactic you use the more it looks like you try to accuse your partner in the problem instead.
Sarcasm doesn’t help anyone. Relationship is already delicate enough to make it unstable with another attempt of the power demonstration. Sarcasm only proves your insecurity and cry for attention. There is no place for it where love and deep respect of each other are basics of the relationship.
Compromise and negotiate. The core of couple’s satisfaction in communication is not in pointing on each other’s faults and try to change them, but in negotiating and finding a common ground in order to conform each other. The secret here is to stay open-minded to your partner’s suggestions and then decide what suits you two best.